i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
