Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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