He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
