Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
