So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
