I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
