Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
