I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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