I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
