There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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