so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
