She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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