Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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