The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
