I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
