I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
