if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
