i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
