Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
