You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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