If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
