glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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