I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
