you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
