you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
