Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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