She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
