"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
