I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
