weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
