can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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