I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
