i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
