if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
