dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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