I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
