At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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