i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
