I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
