mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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