Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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