Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
