don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you traded sex for a burrito?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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