I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What a dumb baby whore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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