Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
