I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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