your parents love me but you hate me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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