Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
