He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think people are normalizing furries
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
