I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
