from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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