everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
