i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
